I thought I would have more time to write in this blog. I thought, "Hey! Once funding comes through, I'll get a wi-fi drive." To be honest, I was just being lazy -- not lazy; lazy implies that I was being idle and procrastinating. This has not been the case. Between the unexpected police visit to my home, the subsequent follow-up at the police commissioner's office, visiting the palace of the old Travancore kings on the Kerala-Tamil Nadu border, trying to find the exact place where the three oceans meet at the tip of India in Kanyakumari, twisting my tongue around just to pronounce the word for rain,  memorizing an endless amount of vocab and grammar rules before the mid-term, feeling unaccomplished as I still don't know how to ask where the bathroom is without using the word "bathroom" though I can now say, "it is raining now" with a pretty decent accent, going to Fort Cochin and realizing the elevated status of being a tourist in monsoon season, speaking in Malayalam and realizing the celebrity status that comes with being able to say "it is raining now", beginning to find a bit of sanity traveling to the nearby beach of Kovalam and realizing, yes, I can do this for a year. I am finally excited, heart-fluttering, plan-making, day-dreaming excited to be here.

Therefore I was not being lazy. Just learning to adjust. I have started many a blog entry only not to be able to concentrate for lack of a feeling of privacy or an overabundance of car honking blaring through a window. I've written many a letter to friends back home, only not to send them because certain experiences just don't translate on paper. They have to be spoken. I've called my family wanting to explain the stress of constantly feeling out of place and over scrutinized, only to give up because just hearing my parents' or my sister's voice puts my heart and mind at ease.

I have to remind myself that I have not been lazy. I have been on overdrive since I've been here. There's also something unsettling about not being in charge of one's own life. I miss being able to cook for myself. I started getting up later because breakfast isn't served till close to eight. I am an early morning person. My mom is a night owl. I've been taught to eat little or nothing after six in the evening. Dinner is served at 7:30. An evening nap to reboot my brain after an exhausting day at school isn't possible. I'm not allowed to lay down or have my hair loose between 6:00 and 7:00 pm. 

I've been pushing myself to take in as much as I can. Some days it's easy. I'm either too tired or everyone else is to busy to notice me. Other times, entire restaurants stop talking and stare as a couple of non-Indian girls walk into the room. At times I want to not stand out. Even positive attention can be overwhelming. The other students and I, westerns that aren't leaving Trivandrum asap to the next tourist destination, are an oddity, but when we try to use the small amount of Malayalam we know, we are suddenly given Bollywood stardom status. On a day when everything seems to go wrong: there was rice-flour-coconut log for breakfast, skype wouldn't let me call my family, suddenly there's fifty vocab words to memorize by tomorrow, etc., it's not so pleasant to have a group of girls turning around to stare at me and the giggle, even knowing no harm is meant. 

All of this is to say, life here isn't easy or simple. It's beautiful though. It's beautiful in it's contrasts. Body odor mixed with jasmine flowers. Helping fishermen pull in the Chinese-fishing-nets and giving them some money for sharing the experience. People pushing their way onto and off of buses without thought to others but then touching the forehead and heart in sign of apology if a foot touches you. It's beautiful in the differences it let's me see in myself. I'm learning was sorts of things I can put up with. Lack of personal space, cold showers in hot climates, bathing in the ocean with my clothes on. Things I don't want to put up with. Being talked down to like a child and living with a host family. I think I'm passed that phase of my life now. But it's all good. This is what I wanted from this journey, and I'm ready to continue with it.

At least, I was, but the funding for the year program didn't come through. Just as I was finding my groove, I find out that India has one last surprise for me on this trip. Apparently I will have gotten from her all that I can by the end of the summer because I will be coming home. At first I was disappointed to the point of denial. There must be something I can do to change this strange twist of fate, but really I can't. That's what I've been learning all along. I have no control over so many things here. Of course, I have the same lack of control back home, it's just more obvious here. I can't even drink water when I'm thirsty. I have to make sure it's filtered, boiled, bottled, whatever. At least back home, I can drink straight from the tap. 

And that's where the positivism that keeps following me in all my travels comes in. There's got to be a happy ending. Or at least a happy new beginning. And in this case, I'm coming home! As my mom has reminded me, I did get a free trip to India. I've also realized better than before what's important to me. The most difficult part of living here has been how difficult it is to talk with people back home whether due to the time difference or because of the lack of internet access. This difficulty now makes coming home that much sweeter because I'm ecstatic to see my family, my immediate and extended family and my Austin family. I can't wait to see you guys! I have so much more to share with you when I get back, and I want to hear all about what you've been doing these past couple of months. For those of you who are continuing are your travels in other parts of the country or the world, know that I will be (and am) thinking about you. 

Until next time: I love you guys!

Welcome to Kerala! 

Forgive me for not writing earlier; jet lag is a beach, beckoning the weary traveler to be lulled to sleep by the waving sounds of bus, car, and auto-ricksaw horns, men calling Muslims to prayer from nearby mosques, at 4:30 in the morning, and "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" first in Malayalam, followed by Hindi. I'm sure next will be one Tamil, but I've fallen fast asleep dreaming of the differences between   N and n, R, r, and zh, which sound the same to me. Waking up too many times in the night, I look forward to daylight and asking passengers in passing buses, "Statue? Statue?", awaiting the head bobble that I still have to remind myself means yes, but by the time we're half-way through the first class I'm trudging through pronunciation drills, barely able to keep my eyes awake until tea time. I tell myself, no going home after class, no napping. It will only confirm my body's insistence that it's the middle of the night, so I go shopping for clothes I desperately need. Seriously, I need to go shopping, because wearing anything besides a churidar or sari says look at me, I don't belong here. So I make friends with shopkeepers who giggle when I say the few words I know in Malayalam. Then, too exhausted to continue, I start asking passengers in other buses "Kaudiar?", reminding myself, head wobble means yes not maybe. I walk half a kilometer from Kaudiar junction to my house and lie down for an hour before my host mother asks me to not lie down and put my hair up for an hour while she performs puja and finishes making dinner. At 7 pm I eat, wash my plate, fall into bed, and think to myself. Jet lag is mono on steroids. I hope these two weeks pass quickly because I'm ready to experience India outside of this dream-like haze that rivals the pollution floating down the street. 

Luckily, the two weeks body adjustment period has ended. Now I'm starting to explore the city, find out that calling home is not as easy as in other parts of the world, and keeping an eye open for that sanctuary I need to write and study. For the time being, it's European-style coffee shop, Cherries & Berries, with free wi-fi that has allowed me to Skype with my parents for nearly an hour. The first full conversation I've had with anyone from home in almost a month. I've also been able to upload photos, which will help fill in some details until I can write more. For now, paying for overpriced ($3) coffee, is worth the internet access, AC, and moment of relaxation that I haven't yet found elsewhere. Bindu Teacher is helping me find a library or somewhere quiet I can study, so I hope soon to be able to fill all of you in on more of my India experience. It's not at all what I expected, which is of course, what I had been told and had hoped for, so in short I'm happy and excited to be here. 

Now for some photo:

Down the street from my school SRK welcomes me and tells me to say hello to  his biggest fan, my mom!

Karen, Malar, and I have run out of clothes and had to go shopping at Pothy's for ready-made outfits.

The living room of the apartment where I'm staying.

My room.

The view from my room.

Malar, Karen, and I at the zoo entrance.

Damon, Malar, and Karen at the zoo.

Women who make hand embroidered saris and other wonderful items.
I bought a smocked nightie from them that I absolutely love!